He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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