Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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