I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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