you have to choose: penises or morals?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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