tell your sister to shave her snatch
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
