I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
