My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
