So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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