At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
