Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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