Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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