I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
