I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
