so explain again why im purple
no
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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