a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My ass is underappreciated
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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