I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
