true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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