dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I understand Curling. That high.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
