i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
