Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You took a bar mat shot.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
