when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
