I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
