just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
