the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
