I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
