in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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