Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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