how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
