Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She's the barista slut.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
