I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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