im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
