I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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