I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
