there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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