I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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