You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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