but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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