a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
