this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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