he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
