just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
