I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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