he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Dear god my vagina.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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