I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
