my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
