So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
