Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Is Oprah even human
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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