This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
