i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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