This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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