the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize