I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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