I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
