Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
