I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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